what a beautiful mess this is

I really love shooting film. It’s such a fabulous surprise when you go to pick up your prints. I think that’s what initially got me interested in photography: the surprise of what would come out after you pressed down on the shutter. Nothing would make me more excited than picking up a roll of film. Not that I’m giving up shooting digital, since right now it’s much less expensive, but there’s a certain magic that film has over digital.

I purchased a Holga a month or so ago, and here are some pictures form the last few weeks. Photos are from the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in Indio, CA, Disneyland and the Sasquatch Music Festival in George, Washington.

if you find yourself caught in love…

It took me pretty much the entire day, but yes, I’m back in Louisville.

It’s hard to describe this feeling, but I think I’ve pinpointed it. (I feel like I’ve written this before, or maybe it was in conversation that this has come up.) When I was leaving the airport and heading to baggage claim, it finally hit me.

The ride is over, and it’s left me with a severe case of whiplash.

While I’m rubbing my sore neck (literally, a small souvenir from my weekend camping adventures a the Sasquatch Music Festival), I think back to the past five months and can’t help but laugh. It was beautiful. I came into everything not knowing a single person west of the Rocky Mountains, and I left with a heavy heart and tear-filled eyes because I couldn’t/didn’t want to leave the people I had met.

I’m slowly going to get back into my routine. I have some pretty sweet bumper stickers I’m going to add to my Volvo tomorrow, before I take it out on a spin. I shot so many pictures this weekend, and as soon as I get them on a CD (because yes, they are film!) I’ll have them up here.

I still can’t believe it’s over, but I’m embracing this exciting unknown that is going to happen. Summer is here, and I’m counting down the days until I get to see those blue eyes again in August.

Pictures soon.

The End’s Not Near (It’s here).

So my internship is over, but I still feel like there is still so much more that I could do at TOMS.

I’ve really grown to love this company, and truly believe it has so much going for it. Without this internship, I would not be the person I am right now. I’ve changed so much, in ways that I’m not even sure of. But I know I’ve changed.

In four days I leave for Seattle, and in nine days I’ll be back in Louisville. It’s crazy to think that it’s all finally coming to an end. I miss my fellow interns already.

I need to go take pictures.

you are the ever-living ghost of what once was

A few months ago I was perusing the aisles of Amoeba Music in Hollywood, wasting my day away lost in the rows and rows of old and new albums, new and used DVDs and posters that cover every inch of their wall. It’s a hobby of mine, losing myself in record stores. As I was browsing, I stumbled upon Kicking and Screaming. No, not the soccer movie with Will Ferrell. This film was shot in the mid-90s and deals with a group of friends who have just graduated college and focuses in on that awkward time in between college and the real world. One of my favorite quotes from this movie is something along the lines of, “What I used to be able to pass off as a bad summer could now potentially turn into a bad life.”

Yeah, my kind of movie.

Throughout Kicking and Screaming we follow Grover as he deals with that anxiety of being a college graduate. There’s a scene where Grover is sitting at the bar, having a conversation with the bartender. The bartender is telling jokes and he says something like:

“Here’s a joke for you. How do you make God laugh?” The bartender pauses, looks down to mix his drink and looks back up at Grover. “You make a plan,” the bartender says.

I’ve given up at making plans. For the past month I’ve been filled with anxiety about the coming year. Where am I going to be? What am I going to be doing? Will I forget about these five months I spent in Los Angeles? How long will I grieve? How stressed will I be?

Will I be happy?

I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, and am in fact terrified and excited of what the next year has in store. And as the days keep going by, there are fewer and fewer things I am sure about.

I know I can’t wait to see you. I know that being with old friends will fill my heart with joy. I know that I’m going to struggle with leaving and saying goodbye. I know my family will embrace me when I return.

So many questions, so many uncertainties.

Not knowing the next time I’ll see someone is weird.

But when I really think about it, it’s kind of exciting, yes?